My Story

Hi! Well, I don't know how to introduce myself, 'cause I've always been afraid of doing it. I'm Mery and I'm 19.
I've never lived with my parents. My dad died when I was a baby, and my mother didn't want to bring me up. So, my aunt and my grandmother took care of me, while my mom was preoccupied with her love stories. I've always been attracted to girls, but I didn't know that homosexuality exists.
When I “officially” noticed it, everything was falling apart for me. My “little” family is totally homophobic. Once, my aunt told me, if I was gay, and thank God that I'm not, she would kick me out of the house and never talk to me again. I was 15 when I heard that. I was overwhelmed. The night after, I cut my veins and lost a lot of blood. My aunt got scared. She took me to the hospital, but I told her that I didn't do it on purpose. I was afraid of telling her. So, by then, I gave up on the idea of talking to her. I went by myself to a therapist. But, as soon as I told her that was I gay, she didn't want to see me again and asked me to leave her office. I don't have friends and I feel like I'm stuck. I tried to enter the gay community here, in Morocco, but it didn't suit me. Everybody just wants to get laid and out you, but I'm not like that. It's not me. I want something real. I dated many guys, but it's not what I wanted and, I got really bored.
I've been an excellent student, always had brilliant marks, up to now. This year has been really tough. I fell madly in love with a girl who was a freshman, a year younger than me. So I had the stupid idea of failing voluntarily exams, so I would be the next year with her. I've never had the courage to tell her about my feelings. I needed to talk to someone, but nobody's here.

I don't wanna live a lie anymore. It's torturing every second of the day, and I'm obsessed of getting out of this cage and take a deep breath of fresh air. I'm so grateful that you gave me the space where I can share my story. Thank you so much.
Mery, Morocco